Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Ahh! GGRRRrrrRRRRrrrr!

Short shorts and a fanny pack, disguised to attack, C-4 in my Kodak. I'm posing pretty with Princess Jasmine, and causing mayhem in the Magic Kingdom. Three O' clock, the charges rock, the epcott drops. Terror reigns while Disney's turned to charred remains. Our machines, unseen, heads towards the submarine. It is a must: the Nautilus comes with us! We've gotta get to the lake, for goodness sakes! Now's the time to be brave, we've got a monster to save. Monster of Lake Champlain, where are you? Monster of Lake Champlain, where are you? Sea World's coming to put you in their zoo. Monster of Lake Champlain, where are you? A monster lives on Champlain's floor, a late descendant of a pleasiosaur. Well, Sea World's in trouble, yeah Shamu jumped the shark and they need a lake monster to fill seats in their park. With Champ in mind they sped off in their yachts, but we're blowing by them f-f-f-fast at at 80 knots. Well just run away Champ, come on now! Swim down deep! Your location is a secret we'll keep! Monster of Lake Champlain, where are you? Monster of Lake Champlain, where are you? Sea World's coming to put you in their zoo. Monster of Lake Champlain, where are you?

Quick to the back of the bus! Fire! Fire! Fire! Up in front. Through a smokey haze, I see the all ways these plans of ours could go so wrong! A stealth escape to the interstate, back road puzzle-piecing us home. No souvenirs of the circumstance, just a promise that no one would know. The media called it "tragic". The cameras? They caught no trace! No liscence plates! No prints from fingers or foot! Just a burnt-out chassis of ash and soot. Sullen faces and wattery eyes cause their fans to sympathize. They turned the tables, they sold the crime... we did all the work and never saw a dime! In the bright black of night, bathed in red-hot light, the flames danced like tight jeans on a frontman. Ch-ch-ch-chills down my spine, when my thoughts rewind, haunts me like carbonite sealing away Han. Burning wreckage in our past, twisted metal and the fumes of gas. Busses torched and airplanes crashed, rock'n roll fantasies turned to ash. Blew out the tires on Burton's bus. We poured sugar in Skynrd's tank. We bought the last round of scotch for Bon Scott. Don't mess with us, we'll [RADIO EDIT] you up! Hoo-hah! Hoo HAH!

The buildings, they grew up like weeds and scared away the Buffalo. The city is a scar of concrete and now I've got no place left to go. I know, I know, it's "progress" they tell me, "It's just a new way of living". But I miss the leaves, the birds, and the trees... the open roads that I used to call my home. I shot out the tires of a taxi and left the driver hog-tied in the street. Sheared off all the upholstery and made new boots to wear on my feet. The sirens, they wailed and the people, they flailed... but I just laughed! HAHAHAHAHAHA. Until the black and white showed up lookin' for a fight and there in the open road I was shot down. And as I lay bloodied up on the sidewalk, a paper bag blew by like a tumbleweed. In this world, this modern life, I guess that there's no place left for me. My mind at peace, a caugh and a wheeze. A spit, a sneer, a sniff and a sigh. Now I go out riding off into that sunset, off to that big ranch up in the sky.

Start working out, grow big muscular arms. Clean my ears out and listen for the alarms. Build a feather suit so I can fly high and watch the city with my eagle eyes. Uphold traffic laws with unstoppable force, in the sewer lines I'll build my underground fort. Every chance I get, I'll assert my might. When the mayor calls, it's with a spotlight. "Boy, you're needed on 787. There's a pileup of 9, 10, or 11. There's a baby trapped in the burning wreckage. Help, you're our first line of defenses!" When the mayor calls, it's with a spotlight in the sky. So I soar to the rescue, so majestic, and nimble, and spry.

GGGGRRRrrrrRRRrrrrrRRRRRrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRR!

The vaseline spread on his hands, his beard, and on his face. You want to take a closer look, but take a step back and give him space. He's spewing noise and cheer, and blood and beer and vomit everyplace. Don't you look into his eyes, you might lose your soul to the Great Beast! The Great Beast? The Great Beast! A wall of din comes from within his deep, dark, gutteral depths. He is the bi-product of biologic, laboratory tests. At first glance we had no chance to learn the secrets he concealed. On broken knees he accepted me, giving wounds that would never heal. The Great Beast? The Great Beast! Well, it's been a lifetime now since that fatefull day that we stumbled into town to see the Great Beast play. Now I'm bent and I'm broken and there's a sock where my soul should be. His power came with a price: we play his song for all eternity! The Great Beast? The Great Beast!

We wear our winter coats at night, bathed in the glow from the campfire light. Cat Stevens sits on my left and St. Nicolas is on my right. Just like Lincoln, Marx, and Van Gogh, but you're hearing us on the radio. Dreaming of a day when nobody shaves, we're gonna take our secrets to our graves. When they showed up, we turned our backs and dug our feet into the sand. "But it's cold out!" Well, we just laughed and we jumped right in! Traded Blitzer for Gore back in 2004, and if it was just a shadow at 5:00 then we're gonna have to see some more. Bought all of Rogaine's stock, stay lookin' sharp like ZZ Top. Gotta grow it out as long as you can, 'cause every lady's crazy 'bout a thick bearded man. For every boy who wants to look grizzly: there's a girl who wants to get busy. We are such shaggy beasts. We are a city in the dark. Our number grow and grow sure as the cold winds blow. There's no need to be pushy, just want our world beautiful and bushy. Our governments secret plot divided those with beards and those with not. They grafted hair on Manson's face before going to Sharon Tate's place. We're just trying to clear our name, I'm sure that you'd do the same. But now is not the time to worry, just join the ranks of the full and furry. "No dress shirts, no razorblades, no shaving cream, no close shaves... No dress shirts, no razorblades, no shaving cream, and no shallow graves!" We are such shaggy beasts. We are a city in the dark. Our number grow and grow sure as the cold winds blow. There's no need to be pushy, just want our world beautiful and bushy.

It was a cold, dark night down in south Detroit. We're crouched down behind a shed, waiting for a signal: a whistle from the window while Jack's lying in his bed. He's asleep, sleepin' on silky sheets, we gotta be quiet as a mouse. Down drops a line from a buddy of mine as we climb up in his house. Wrapped up in his arms, tripped with burglar alarms and shining like tinfoil, sat before our eyes, the beloved prize: Jack White's Tesla Coil. We left the pliers behind, it must have slipped my mind, "I guess we've gotta grab it and go". And to Jack's surprise, by the time he realized, we were already on the road. And we've got it. We've got it now. And if Jack thinks he's getting it back, I'll say "Hell No!" Just get to the van, you don't understand, that Jack is drawing near?! But to our surprise Meg's glowing eyes fired back in the rear mirror. "BRAVO TEAM! BRAVO TEAM! The Mission has been compromised!" "Here's what you've gotta do, if you wanna get through, you've gotta find yourself a disguise. And head to the beach, it's just past his reach, the sun's rays are too bright." So we skipped town via Greyhound and we hid just out of sight. Well, now we're up on stage... Jack's full of rage and his blood begins to boil. But, as the story goes, for our live shows we needed his Tesla Coil. And we've got it. We've got it now. And if Jack thinks he's getting it back, I'll say "Hell No!".

I'm so sorry, I heard about your accident. I'd wish you the speediest of recoveries if I thought, maybe, someday you'd come back to me... but I know that's just not happening. I can hear your heart beat. But not for long. Can you believe how easy it is to bypass hospital security? And now I'm standing over you by your bed in the emergency room. Who do you think put that rattlesnake in your bathroom? You broke my hear, and now I'm gonna stop yours. I know that when death comes for you, I'll be there cheering you on.